Fresh start.

Don’t reject a shoe because you can’t run in it. It’s OK not to run – Christian Louboutin

It does feel like forever since I last updated the blog. Who knew once you willfully choose to escape your desk it’s just as difficult to get back. Getting into an arranged married changes so many things. Especially when the other side has expectations of you which I don’t understand because I was raised equal to my brother, given the same education, the same kind of bed and food. We were never stuffed into gender roles until we became old enough to be married! God save our souls!

Everything started becoming about what society expects of us! Matchmakers didn’t like my job I was expected to change it. If they couldn’t find a suitable boy it was because I wasn’t beautiful (everyone didn’t say it but that literally translated to not being fair!). Oh and the best thing I’ve heard is that I don’t have a dressing sense 🤣. Well WTF!!!!!!!!! Really!!!!

Sorry, I’m not an engineer, doctor, or clerk! I’m a fashion consultant, yes I have to work on weekends because that’s when most of my clients are free! I’m proud of my healthy brown skin and F you, I can make boring clothes interesting in ways you never imagined. The whole world loves to point fingers at someone else and create problems instead of trying to find solutions.

The Bible teaches me to seek and you will find, ask and you will receive, yet failure hurts our egos and we blame each other. I started to blame the whole world and myself, eventually little by little I started losing myself to becoming cynical, self-destructive and losing track of time. The stories you hear about depression started getting real in my everyday! I would sleep four days a week and not get out of bed, eat all I could and pretty much stopped all my exercise. One day I looked into the mirror and saw a fat girl staring back I didn’t recognize anymore.

I once read depression hits the hardest to those who are mentally strong in the first place. So I decided something has to change. So I asked myself what can I do to change and become strong again? and then I remembered the one thing that forces me to stay focused is creating something with my bare hands. So I started small with a quick stitch kit. The design comes fully prepped so I have less to worry about making mistakes. moved on to drawing random doodles in a scribble pad while sitting in the doctors waiting rooms. which eventually resulted in me getting a doodle book of the internet to make posters of my favorite quotes. Psst! the timeline for these things to happen are not as short as my sentences 😇.

This one is one of my own quotes! actually mostly an affirmation to myself, Because from a very young age I could be strong resilient and overly determined to achieve my goals in life. I always have it in my head what I want to achieve before I die, and while sitting with my life coach I came up with the realization that I need to get my focus back in life and this poster was to make me take a first baby step towards getting my mental balance to normal.

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